widow musings

Widow Musings 5


widow musings

widow musings

Here’s the deal:  things change when you become a widow.  Yeah, I’m in a contemplative mood this morning, so brace yourselves – I feel the need for a rant coming on.  You’ve been warned.

I just need to get a few things out on paper (or my computer screen, as it were) and out of my head.

I feel like a square peg in a round hole.  I don’t fit in with the singles, because I have been married.  I don’t fit in with the marrieds, because I am no longer married.  My married friends have quit calling me and hanging out with me, and that happened almost immediately following the memorial service.  I’m not sure why – maybe they thought it was catching.

This change in status was not my idea.  I didn’t make a choice to leave a relationship; I didn’t make the choice to move from married to widowed.  And I am not a single mom, I am a widowed mom.  Yes, there is a difference.  It may be subtle to many people, but it’s there just the same.  When you get divorced your ex is still a part of your life, if you have kids.  You can continue to co-parent.  When you’re a widow or a widower you are on your own, and pulling double duty.

I am jealous of married people sometimes now.  They still have what I don’t have anymore.  I wonder if they know how fragile their lives together can be – do they appreciate what they have?  Do they understand just what it’s like to live without a life partner?  When you’ve had that person in your life, and tasted that kind of relationship – and then suddenly it’s gone?

Most of the time I don’t focus on the loss; I focus on what I have, and what my future may hold.  But every so often I need to just wallow a bit.  Become a little melancholy and brood; yes, even throw a pity part with myself as guest of honor.  I need to be honest, with myself and with those around me – being a widow really sucks sometimes.  It’s very lonely, and there’s no one there who shares the load.  So every so often I get to gripe and complain.  And I put it on this blog, so everyone can “enjoy” it.  And that makes me feel a little better.  Because sometimes you just gotta share the icky stuff too.

 


5 thoughts on “Widow Musings

  • normaleverydaylife

    I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. I’ve been thinking about your post and hope you’ve had some encouragement and unexpected blessings this week. You ask if married people understand the fragility of their lives together. Sometimes I take it for granted, but reading your story makes me more aware to treasure and make the most of our lives together. Thank you for sharing.

    • jmerrell81@gmail.com Post author

      Thanks for your kind words. It’s not often that I allow myself to get a little melancholy about my situation. But every so often things build up, and I feel the need to vent a little. Thanks again for reading, and for understanding. 🙂

  • BritishMumUSa

    Wow, I can’t believe that your wedded friends have left the scene. In our group of friends we have two husbands that have lost their wives, one of which was one of my very very dear friends. I could not imagine walking away from this friendship. Yes I was friends with her, that said I got to know the girls and him through her. I am there for dinners, mommy advice, and college talks. One of her daughters is a young mom and the other is the same age as my oldest and soon off to college. Her husband is AWESOME, and misses her greatly and we all support him. We promised her we would.

    • jmerrell81@gmail.com Post author

      Thanks for your comment. I appreciate what you had to say, and thanks for being a friend to your widowed friend as well. It means so much for people to stay “engaged” with you after you have suffered a loss like this. Well done, British Mum! 🙂

  • BritishMumUSa

    No worries, and couldn’t imagine doing it any other way. That is what Moe would have wanted. I wrote about her and how I miss her on my blog… Her Hubs loved it and so did the kids.

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