Planning fo death

Facing Death – “What Will We Do If You Die?” 4

Facing death

Facing death

This is a question that I should have asked myself and my husband much sooner than I did.  Facing death, and the death of a spouse, is a difficult thing to think about – much less try to discuss.  It’s easier to put off that discussion for “another day.”

My husband, Robby, passed away about 3 1/2 years ago from a brain tumor.  We were forced to face this question during the year that he fought his cancer.  Just this morning I was reminded of that time when I saw a post from another young widow, talking about 6 Things that Married Couples Need To Do RIGHT NOW To Prepare for the Unlikely Death of a Spouse.  You can click on the link to read her entire post.  It’s a good one.  The only think I would tack onto it would be to talk about what your spouse would like in terms of burial, cremation, memorial service/funeral, etc.  This gives you a chance to know what their final wishes are, and plan a service that will reflect THEM.  Robby and I talked (jokingly) about what he would like in a memorial service.  This was long before we were faced with his cancer, so it wasn’t a morbid thing at all.  He always joked that he wanted a black gospel choir to perform – he loved that kind of rich, Southern heritage in his music.  Since black gospel choirs are in short supply where we live, my daughters and I found an alternative; my oldest found a recording of Peace in the Valley, performed by Sister Rosetta Tharpe.

You can also check out my own take on discussing things with your spouse here, at Having An End Of Life Discussion.  This is from my other blog, Psalms 68:5 – Restoral.  I’m no longer posting to this site, but there are still some good articles there nonetheless.  🙂



4 thoughts on “Facing Death – “What Will We Do If You Die?”

  • Gilly

    Hi -Thanks for posting this. These are hard questions, but such important ones. I am a hospice professional and volunteer. I know that these decisions make it so much for loved ones who are left behind.

    I am so sorry that your husband died. Your journey and new blog is an inspiration for others on the grief journey.

    Great to meet you.


  • BritishMumUSA

    Oh, we have had this conversation, we want to be cremated and scattered at sea while scuba diving. We all scuba!

    I think I will get lonely if he goes, but I don’t think I could put up with another man and all that her comes with at my stage in my life… I’m 44 with a 17 and 12 year old. As I write this, I am tearing up, I can’t let my mind wander there, as I have said we have lost friends in the last couple years, and one of my best friends this year. It SUCKS!!!! Thanks for sharing!

  • Lauren

    a sad but important reminder.. we all need to think about things like this. Also I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband. Glad to connect through Wine’d Down Wednesday

  • The Lady Kay

    Joan–I totally agree with planning for any service and how the disposition of their earthly remains should be handled. As a widow, thank goodness I had six months of time to discuss my husband’s end of life wishes. This is a great post, keep it up!!

    Visiting from The Climb Linky party and so glad I found your blog!!

    Be Well–The Lady Kay

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